I was watching a PGA golf tournament and they did an interview with one of the Tour players. He was talking about how lately his confidence has waned.
Then, immediately after the interview ended, they went back to broadcasting the live play, but the commentators continued to talk about confidence, and one of them asked my all time favorite mental game question, “Where does confidence come from?”
I was amazed at what they said. They offered three comments. Here they are:
- “Well, you need to start seeing some results.”
- “You just gotta wait it out.”
- “You just hope it eventually comes back.”
NO! NO! NO!!!
Those are quite possibly the three WORST answers I could think of! They’re born of the victim mentality. And they couldn’t be weaker.
Those comments propagate the illusion that confidence (or any other emotion, for that matter) comes from good results. Ugh! This is the #1 most common mistake made by all humans in the process of pursuing dreams, goals, desires, intentions, wins, etc. And that mistake is WAITING. More specifically waiting for things to go well before you permit yourself to feel great. Waiting for good results before you let yourself experience the internal state that gives birth to the results you’re waiting for!
This is the formula:
THINK –> FEEL –> ACT –> RESULTS
– How I THINK dictates how I FEEL (my emotional state).
– How I FEEL dictates the quality of ACTION that I take.
– And the ACTION that I take dictates the RESULTS.
SO many people get it backwards. They reverse the direction of the arrows in the formula. They WAIT for desired results before they let themselves feel the masterful moods that bring about great results.
WHERE DOES CONFIDENCE COME FROM?
It comes from THINKING well. It comes from the CHOICE to think well.
For a PGA Tour golfer, it comes from thinking things like:
- “I’m one of the best golfers on the planet!”
- “I’ve realized the dream of playing on the biggest stage in golf on Earth!”
- “I’m playing the best golf of my life right now!”
- “I’ve never been more prepared, more on top of my game, more mentally tough and excited!”
And it’s the same for every one of us, whether you’re a golfer, an insurance salesman, an artist, a caregiver, a pilot, an actor, a teacher, an auto mechanic, a parent, a student, a CEO or a fisherman.
You have access to infinite confidence in this very moment. You also have access to infinite doubt in this very moment. And the choice is yours.
Want to feel confident? THINK that way!
One of the most wonderful things about our human design is that we are at our best when we FEEL our best. So let’s not hear that nonsense about waiting and hoping. Choose confidence now. And let the miracles begin!
Fantastic formula. Simple to remember and super effective. This is why being positive leads to more positive results in the long term.
Cheers
Exactly, Brad! And in addition to positive, it’s simply intelligent and disciplined.
Hope is not a strategy! Good stuff.
I love that! Hope, indeed, is NOT a strategy!
Being prepared (practised/worked hard, armed with the strategy against the opponent or whatever, and perhaps a plan B) adds to confidence (witness Nadal beat Djokovic at the French Open!)
No level of preparedness guarantees confidence. That’s the point. Confidence comes
ONLY from great thinking!
Confidence comes from within. If you know and believe deep down that you are top at something, then it will be there to grasp. Yet it is a very fragile thing to loose and you need to train to think tank it all correctly.
Confidence ONLY comes from great thinking. And we can think greatly always. So no need to wait. No one gets that.
Focus on what you want to do and this will correct what you are not doing. If you are doing what you want to do how can you not have confidence in what you are doing?
Hi, Hall.
Thanks for the comment. It’s actually not entirely impossible to create doubt (and loads of it) even when you are doing what you want to be doing. All you have to do is think about what could go wrong, and POOF, there’s worry. So the discipline is to catch yourself when you sense worry and then immediately redirect your thinking to the excellent outcomes that you are choosing to create for yourself.
Very timely. I am working on revising a course on communication I teach to police cadets, and wrestle with whether or not I’m presenting the right stuff.
Hey, Larry. So did anything in particular stand out for you here in this piece?
It occurs to me that even taking the time to say, “my confidence is waning,” is time not spent creating even greater level of it. We participate in our own degree of confidence for better or worse, so we can just quit talking about it and get back to participating in it.
Amen, Brother. We CREATE our confidence. Create The State – Don’t Wait!