Here is an AI transcript of the whole podcast:
[00:00:00] Iyanla Vanzant: and let me back up just for a moment because you said stuff we didn’t learn at school. Yeah. But the first place we learn is at home. Stuff we didn’t even learn at home like we can think for ourselves. That our feelings are valid, that what we want matters, and that you don’t have to share everything.
[00:00:18] Iyanla Vanzant: You know, there’s some toys you can keep to yourself. You don’t have to. Things that we learned at home like, you know, you know, you’re not always dependent on making somebody else happy or doing what they think you should be doing. And I think because we didn’t learn that at home. We didn’t learn how to be flexible.
[00:00:40] Iyanla Vanzant: We didn’t learn how to be observant because at home when we observed things, particularly hypocrisies and contradictions, we were silenced. So we go out into the world and we see hypocrisies and contradictions, and we are silent about that. And we don’t trust our intuition. To be mental [00:01:00] toughness means that you trust what your heart is telling your mind, and then you being observant as to what’s going on.
[00:01:12] Iyanla Vanzant: You then follow what is aligned in your being as opposed to what other people think you should do, or what is the status quo or what’s in the matrix at the moment. Ooh.
[00:01:25] Chris Dorris: Most of us never learned how to train our brains, which is why most of us needlessly, settle, struggle, and worse suffer. My name is Chris Doris, and I wanna make brain training mainstream.
[00:01:36] Chris Dorris: This is my series, tough Talks, conversations on Mental Toughness. I’m interviewing bad asses from all walks of life on what mental toughness means to them and their unique approaches to strengthening their minds
[00:01:50] Chris Dorris: what is happening? Tough talks, tro. Welcome to the 100th episode of Tough Talks, [00:02:00] conversations on Mental Toughness. I’m your host, Chris Doris. It’s our hundredth, we got a Hondo today, baby. That’s pretty cool. And we got one hell of a Hondo guest. I’ll tell you about her in a second. our one piece of housekeeping, as usual, if you are not getting.
[00:02:20] Chris Dorris: Your daily dose mental toughness tip in 30 seconds or less, delivered every morning of the year at 6:00 AM your local time, no matter where you’re on the planet. If you’re not getting that in your email inbox, we got, we gotta get on that. also, if you’re not getting notifications of my, blog post that go out every Tuesday, and of course if you’re not getting notifications of, these podcasts, The new podcast episodes for Tough Talks, then we can fix that real fast.
[00:02:49] Chris Dorris: Christopher doris.com/lists. Christopher doris.com/lists. L I s ts email or name? Email. Click. Boom. Done. Good. So as you can [00:03:00] see, our guests today is Young La Vanzant. Many of you will not need the introduction. The introduction is cool nonetheless. So I’m gonna tell you a little bit about . by many accounts, janala is the premier African American teacher, writer, speaker on the subjects of spirituality, personal development, and loving relationships.
[00:03:22] Chris Dorris: She’s the author of at least 15 titles, which include five New York Times bestsellers. She’s the founder and executive director of The Inner Visions Institute for Spiritual Development, who conduct workshops and classes around the country throughout Africa and also in the uk, sharing her brand of practical, spiritual and personal growth skills, which is a blend of ancient African wisdom.
[00:03:44] Chris Dorris: And ancient universal principles. And as an author, Enza has touched the minds and hearts of more than 8 million readers in 23 languages. She’s a huge inspirational speaker. You know, at conference is exposed, she’s won of a Gillian Awards for all that. she got her [00:04:00] law degree from Cooney in Queens. She worked for a minute in, in, in Philly for the public defender.
[00:04:07] Chris Dorris: and then she started doing tv. Yeah, she did an interview, called From Welfare to Work, what’s the Plan for Women? And, turned into TV stuff. And then, as you likely know, that worked out pretty good for her. She got around the show called Fix My Life. We is consistently, it’s has consistently held the number one raining spot on Saturday night.
[00:04:31] Chris Dorris: Among women ages 25 to 54 and is still frequently in the number one spot on the Oprah Winfrey network weekend lineup. So that’s pretty picking. Amazing. So, She doesn’t know this, that she’s the hundredth guest. This is the hundredth episode, so I’m so pumped. Thank you in advance to both Alan D.
[00:04:51] Chris Dorris: Thompson and to my former coach, who I call the Admiral, Steve Hardison for creating this introduction. And, I can’t wait. She’s [00:05:00] here waiting for us. All right, ya Yaah, where are you? Let’s go find her. And here she is, Yala. Hi. Nice to meet you at Long last and thank you. Thank you so much for making time to hang out and serve my tough talks
[00:05:15] Iyanla Vanzant: tribe.
[00:05:16] Iyanla Vanzant: Yeah. Good. I’m glad you got a tough talks tribe. That mean they got tough skin, right? That’s
[00:05:21] Chris Dorris: what we’re working on. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So, you know, so by the way, just, as we get started for fun, you know, I sported this cap for you. I don’t know if you recognized the emblem or not. Yes. I wasn’t gonna. I wasn’t, do you know what that is for?
[00:05:33] Iyanla Vanzant: That’s P for Philly. You know it. Yeah. Yeah. But I’m
[00:05:37] Chris Dorris: from Brooklyn. I know you are, but you spent, so what you work for, I can’t wait for my buddy Devin Bandon. Have you met Devin Bandon yet? No. I suspect you will. He’s from Queens. He’s been on the, he’s been on the show. He’s my boy. he’s, he works with Hardison right now.
[00:05:52] Chris Dorris: Oh, okay, good. And he comes out here and stays with me in my guest bedroom every two weeks. So he’s from Queens and he’s a big sports guy. I’m a big sports guy for Philly. So we chatted up, [00:06:00] you are the bridge between us. Okay. You took so much smack, but I know you spent a little bit of time in Philadelphia working at the Public Defender’s office.
[00:06:07] Chris Dorris: I learned that today. Little bit more research. So I supported this for you. That’s for you Devin. So, you know what’s cool? Ha? Happy Tuesday,
[00:06:16] Iyanla Vanzant: right? Isn’t that amazing? All those Tuesdays, right? I didn’t think of that till today. Yeah. What? I didn’t know
[00:06:21] Chris Dorris: that wasn’t part of my plan. I, it just worked out.
[00:06:24] Chris Dorris: Sorry. and you changed the time from the one I requested to be now, so this is cool because at the time of this recording, obviously this isn’t live. When people hear it won’t be that. But while we’re recording, we got the vibe and the energy of it being 2 22 22, and it is 2:00 PM Eastern Time. In a few minutes it’ll be 2 22 Eastern time.
[00:06:45] Chris Dorris: Right. It’s a whole bunch of twos in the paling room, right? Yeah. So see how that affects us?
[00:06:50] Iyanla Vanzant: Yeah. Well, you know, two is about balance and we need so much more balance in our life. Two is about communication, and we need that in our lives. Two [00:07:00] is about unity and harmony, and we need that in our lives. So today is a day to really tap into, balance and harmony and communication first with yourself.
[00:07:11] Iyanla Vanzant: You know, we don’t communicate with ourself enough to be able to talk to anybody else so
[00:07:18] Chris Dorris: Well, I’m so glad I brought that up. Cause I didn’t know, so I didn’t, so you’re a numbers person like Steve.
[00:07:24] Iyanla Vanzant: Oh yeah. You gotta be a numbers person. Yeah.
[00:07:27] Chris Dorris: Oh, really? All right. Well, I love that communication and harmony.
[00:07:32] Chris Dorris: Yeah. So people who follow this tough talks. Podcast, know that, you know, the, this is part of my legacy. My legacy is my content, right? And this is a form of it. And the reason that, this, in particular, this podcast even exists is to let people know a couple things. Stuff we didn’t learn in school. Like kind of feel like we should have, right?
[00:07:56] Chris Dorris: Like early on, which is that, you know, there’s stuff we can [00:08:00] do, things that we can do, practices, disciplines that we can incorporate into our lives. Work. We’ll get to that in a minute that we can do to strengthen the way that we use our minds and experience reality, which of course changes our lives and changes the world.
[00:08:12] Chris Dorris: and then also like what is some of that stuff? So I use mental toughness as my brand. Just so you know, I use that term mental toughness synonymously with emotional mastery and also enlightenment. It’s not just the, you know, the offensive lineman in football grunt, you know, or the navy sealed toughness.
[00:08:31] Chris Dorris: That’s included. But mental toughness for me expands well. Well, way beyond that. So with not saying anymore about that, I’m curious to hear from you, what do you interpret the term mental toughness. To me.
[00:08:49] Iyanla Vanzant: Well, I think that, first of all, for me, in order to be tough, you gotta be ply, flexible. You know, you gotta be flexible.
[00:08:58] Iyanla Vanzant: and let me back up just for [00:09:00] a moment because you said stuff we didn’t learn at school. Yeah. But the first place we learned is at home. Stuff we didn’t even learn at home. Like, we can think for ourselves that our feelings are valid, that what we want matters, and that you don’t have to share everything.
[00:09:17] Iyanla Vanzant: You know, there’s some toys you can keep to yourself. You don’t have to. Things that we learned at home, like, you know, you’re not always dependent on making somebody else happy. Or doing what they think you should be doing. And I think because we didn’t learn that at home, we didn’t learn how to be flexible.
[00:09:38] Iyanla Vanzant: We didn’t learn how to be observant because at home when we observed things, particularly hypocrisies and contradictions, we were silenced. So we go out into the world and we see hypocrisies and contradictions, and we are silent about that. And we don’t trust our intuition. To me, mental toughness means that [00:10:00] you trust what your heart is telling your mind, and then you being observant as to what’s going on.
[00:10:10] Iyanla Vanzant: You then follow. What is aligned in your being as opposed to what other people think you should do, or what is the status quo or what’s in the matrix at the moment? Mental toughness to me means understanding that when you fall down, it’s just so that you can have a quick snack. In order to get back up.
[00:10:34] Iyanla Vanzant: You stay down there, buy a condo, you fall down, you have a snack, you get up and the snack is looking at, okay, how did I get down here? How did I get down here? Can I tell you a quick story? Yeah. Well, you can tell
[00:10:48] Chris Dorris: as long of story
[00:10:49] as
[00:10:49] Iyanla Vanzant: you want. Okay. So I live out in the bush country of Maryland. I have chickens and cows.
[00:10:55] Iyanla Vanzant: I’m looking at a barn right now. So Sunday I was in my kitchen. I was [00:11:00] cooking. Because I follow grandma’s rules on Sunday, then it gotta be done by three o’clock. So anyway, I’m in the kitchen and my grandson had gone out with a friend and I was expecting them back around five. It’s maybe two, three o’clock in the afternoon.
[00:11:15] Iyanla Vanzant: And I hear boom on my door, like somebody’s knocking on the door. So I waited and nobody came in. So I go to the door. It’s the door in right outside my kitchen that leads into my garage and I open the door and there before me is a beast. A beast, year and a half feet. Dark brown face black around the eyes.
[00:11:38] Iyanla Vanzant: And I know this is a dog, but I. Where is a dog from in this country? I, people out here have they little dogs. they don’t have dogs. They have pets. So they have chihuahuas and Yorkies, and I’ve got two. I’ve got two Pomeranians. One is peace. One is freedom. They’re about this big. They each weigh three and a half pounds.
[00:11:58] Iyanla Vanzant: They’re outside in the [00:12:00] pen. In my backyard. They got a pen, a play pen, okay. And I look and there’s this beast. So I slammed the door because at first I thought it was a wolf. Wow. Which for me would’ve made more sense where I live. Okay. And I’m like, okay, now how did the wolf get in my garage? All right, question.
[00:12:19] Iyanla Vanzant: How did the wolf get in my garage? Let me hold that. So anyway, I say, okay, let me go see what this is. So it had walked down the stairs, it was at the garage door. I come up, I’m standing on the three little stairs, and I look at this thing and I had to be observant. Mental toughness means observe, not react, observe.
[00:12:41] Iyanla Vanzant: So I’m looking to assess this. Thing as quickly as possible. What do I see? It’s got a collar on and it’s a leather collar and it’s got studs on it. What does that tell me? This dog belongs to somebody. Number two. I look at it, it’s emaciated. Its ribs are showing. It’s got a little malting on its skin that [00:13:00] tells me it’s hungry.
[00:13:01] Iyanla Vanzant: Okay. So my first thought is my two little snack dogs are out there in that pen. I’ve got to secure them quickly or they gonna be lunch. But also that this dog is in a weakened state. This is just from observation. So when a wolf shows up at your door, first thing you do is observe. Okay, what is the wolf doing?
[00:13:27] Iyanla Vanzant: All right, so I go back inside and I grab a bowl and some food, and I take it out there and I, as I’m coming out to, into the garage, the dog is coming towards me and I say, go. And it went. I said, oh, okay. Not only is it somebody is this well trained, I take the food outside the garage, put it down, and of course the dog gets devouring the food.
[00:13:52] Iyanla Vanzant: Now my heart opens. So even in the midst of difficulty, challenge, trouble, allow your heart to [00:14:00] open. Mental toughness means that your heart can open and you can be vulnerable without fear. Okay? So, I go and I get now I go, cuz I’m a mama, I’m a grandmamma, I’m a great-grandma. I go get a can of food. So now I don’t open the can.
[00:14:14] Iyanla Vanzant: I take the can out there and I’m trying to put the can in with the dry food. The dog is licking my face. The can. Oh my God. In the meantime, my two little pets are in the pen having a hysterical fit. Okay. They could have laid on their back and screamed for Jesus. They would’ve done it because they’re looking at this thing they’ve never seen before, right?
[00:14:36] Iyanla Vanzant: So I’ll give the dog the food. Now, here’s my plan. While I’ve got the. Dog the beast distracted. I’m gonna go get the two pets and put ’em under my arm and get in the house. Cuz I don’t know, you know what’s gonna happen? They’re dogs, I don’t know. So I go and I get the two screaming, meanies out the pen, put ’em under my coat while the beast is eating, and I go in the house with the dogs.
[00:14:59] Iyanla Vanzant: And so the [00:15:00] dog is there. eating. And now I, okay, I’ve observed. I’ve opened my heart. So me and this dog are now in the presence of love. So I go back outside and I say, sit. It’s sat. I said, okay, what do I do? This is somebody’s dog, and it’s been lost for a long time. I. I don’t wanna call animal control because if they, nobody claims that they’ll destroy it.
[00:15:30] Iyanla Vanzant: So I close the garage, I go back in the house. Few hours later my son comes by, he says, what is that beast out in the yard? He said, I didn’t wanna take the my son out the car cuz he said, that’s, I said, I don’t know it. He said, mom, you live in the bush. Why is that beast here? With all of these other farms and houses, why is the beast here?
[00:15:54] Iyanla Vanzant: Mom? I said, I guess he came for the love. Oh. [00:16:00] So he said he’s gonna drive around and look and see if there’s any signs or anything, you know, and so we could find the owner because it belongs to somebody. So he said he went outside, he opened the door, the dog jumped in the car. Wow. With his six year old son, and now his son is petting the dog and the dog is looking his son.
[00:16:21] Iyanla Vanzant: And so my son now has a German Shepherd. Oh, no kidding. But we did take pictures and put ’em around, you know, to see if anybody responds. But here’s the point I wanna make in terms of mental toughness, just the points that I made. What do you do when a wolf a difficulty, A challenge, a upset. Shows up at your door, the first thing you do is observe.
[00:16:47] Iyanla Vanzant: Observe, don’t react yet, still don’t be so willing to have to do something, be something, be grounded, be present, be first. [00:17:00] And I think when I think of mental toughness, so very often we look for what to do and not how to be. So that’s the meaning of my long story.
[00:17:10] Chris Dorris: That’s a what’s so, what’s the, you said your Pomeranians were named Peace and what was the other one?
[00:17:15] Chris Dorris: Freedom. Freedom? Yeah. That’s pretty cool. Now, does the Beast have a new name?
[00:17:20] Iyanla Vanzant: Well, we haven’t named her yet. It’s a her. Okay. So I’m really glad I was nice to her. I would’ve been nice to a guy too, but it’s a her. How so? We don’t know. Not yet. We don’t know. We know it has a name because it belonged to something.
[00:17:36] Iyanla Vanzant: Yeah.
[00:17:36] Chris Dorris: Yeah. Well, that’s a great story. Thanks for it. And it’s actually your story serendipitously is a perfect segue into my next question for you. So, you know, I love what you’re saying about observe versus react. Right. So, you know, I sometimes I define that toughness as the ability, you know, the result of having done the work to train your mind so that you’re able, so you strengthen your response dash ability.
[00:17:59] Chris Dorris: [00:18:00] Yes. Right. And that’s a big part of the story you just told. So you’ve got a, there’s, in one of your bios, I think it’s on your website, it says your website, which is your name, dot com, yama.com, it says you’ve got to do the work, the real hard work on yourself from the inside out that makes some people bit uneasy, but for others produces real and lasting change.
[00:18:25] Chris Dorris: So here’s my, I have two part question for you on that. What is. The work and why is it real hard? Okay.
[00:18:36] Iyanla Vanzant: Well, I’m old so I’ll remember the first part. You might have to No, the second. I know. I got you. I’m old as hell. I don’t glasses. Okay. The looking good. Thank you. The work is positive regard. And total unconditional acceptance and love [00:19:00] for who you are, your warts, your pimples, your boogers, your brilliance, your power, your wisdom, and understanding what supports the good and what triggers the not so good.
[00:19:16] Iyanla Vanzant: That’s the work and it begins within. It begins with really looking at your addictions. Your escape hatches, your projections, your justifications, your judgments. It means really looking at when you engage any or all of them, what is it that you do to protect your ego, your personality, your image? What is it that you turn to when you’re feeling afraid or uncomfortable or vulnerable?
[00:19:45] Iyanla Vanzant: What? What are you addicted to? Is it tv, gambling, sports, makeup, exercise. Marijuana, what is it? And understanding that, not that any of those things are inherently bad, but to engage them [00:20:00] by choice rather than escape, to engage them with a conscious mind as opposed to an unconscious drive or an unhealed wound or a unresolved trigger.
[00:20:13] Iyanla Vanzant: So the work is really understanding those things. You know, I’m a, I’ve been a. A Europe or priestess for 40 years and an ordained minister for 34 and a Lakota pipe carrier for 36 years. But on any given day as a human being, I’m subject to lose my damn mind and cuss somebody out. Okay. Let’s be clear.
[00:20:36] Iyanla Vanzant: Cause I’m from Brooklyn. Okay? You? Yes. All right. It’s just in me, but I know now. What will trigger that stuff? oh.
[00:20:46] Chris Dorris: Know what that’s for? You know I did that. Why?
[00:20:48] Iyanla Vanzant: Sorry. 2, 2, 2, 2. You got it. You got it.
[00:20:51] Chris Dorris: Yeah, you got it. It’s the same. Okay. Sorry.
[00:20:53] Iyanla Vanzant: Sorry to interrupt you. No worries. Let’s just affirm balance in our lives.
[00:20:57] Iyanla Vanzant: More balance and more [00:21:00] unity and more y you know what? And on today, people may not realize this today. a court in Georgia. convicted three white men of. A race crime against a black man. Ahau. Arbery. They found those three men guilty in Georgia, which we know has a history of a slavery and male domination.
[00:21:26] Iyanla Vanzant: And yet in love and support you and I, a white man and a black woman sitting here talking to each other. That’s the balance. To what happened there. You understand? And that’s what we are working towards. That’s what we want. We can’t act like it doesn’t exist. It does exist. You know, but we don’t have to be focused there and upset about that because you and I are here doing something very better and something different.
[00:21:49] Iyanla Vanzant: Yeah. It’s beautiful. Chris is really being able to get in there and say, you know, if I see you manhandle a child in my [00:22:00] presence, I’m coming for you. My Brooklyn is gonna be triggered. And I’m gonna be fearless and crude. I’m coming for you. If I see you, a man, violating, abusing a woman in my presence, I’m coming for you.
[00:22:13] Iyanla Vanzant: I don’t care what color you are. I don’t care how big you are. You could be the beast at the door. I’m gonna observe, I’m gonna find out how far I got to jump to kick you in your eye.
[00:22:26] Iyanla Vanzant: I got to tell the truth. you know what I mean? Yeah. So, but that doesn’t mean I’m not spiritually enlightened and spiritually evolved in that I’m not a minister and a pipe carrier and a priest and all of these other things, but I know that about myself. I know I’m not gonna get in the argument with you about who you voted for, who you didn’t vote for, or who’s right, or who’s wrong, or who gets to ca I’m not.
[00:22:47] Iyanla Vanzant: I’m not. You got it right. I accept you. We may be different, but Abuse a child, abuse a woman. I’m coming from. But some people don’t know what’ll trigger them. Some people don’t know what they [00:23:00] stand for. Some people don’t know what they’re ready to die for today. What would you lay your life down for today?
[00:23:09] Iyanla Vanzant: The work is really understanding that because not understanding that Chris causes suffering. We suffer because we don’t feel purposeful, we don’t feel valuable. We don’t feel needed. We don’t feel wanted. We feel like we’re doing and not getting. We feel like we’re giving and not receiving, but you may be giving to something that really don’t matter to you, but you think you’re supposed to, so you do it.
[00:23:33] Iyanla Vanzant: So the work is that knowing. Positive, unconditional regard for yourself and accepting yourself as you are. And what was the other? Yes,
[00:23:41] Chris Dorris: you. Why is it so, so? But this is a very purposeful question, right? and this is one of those slow down moments where I know that there’s a real good nugget of gold takeaway for the audience here.
[00:23:53] Chris Dorris: And why is it the hard work? Why is it so hard?
[00:23:59] Iyanla Vanzant: [00:24:00] Yeah. Because we are trained from the womb to please other people and to pay more attention to what they want than to who we are. Hear what I said? Not what we want, but who we are from child. Don’t do that. That’s not nice. Share with your brother.
[00:24:17] Iyanla Vanzant: Don’t say that. That’s mean always externally referenced. So when someone says to and we’re taught. You know, really the wrong things we do. We may get a attaboy or a good job or whatever, but particularly for women, you know, unless we are doing girls, young girls are raised up, dress up, look pretty, do this, be nice for other people.
[00:24:41] Iyanla Vanzant: So when it comes to us having to take the time to look at ourselves, you know, why would I wanna do that? And I’m afraid of what I might find inside. I’m afraid that what I might find inside is gonna be different than what they told me I should be. It’s gonna contradict what I’ve been trying to be, [00:25:00] and most of us are really afraid to really take responsibility for our power to say no, our power to be great, our power to make choices.
[00:25:10] Iyanla Vanzant: We are afraid of that because of our learning. Yeah, because of our conditioning.
[00:25:16] Chris Dorris: Conditioning, the conditioning
[00:25:18] Iyanla Vanzant: of our past programming, you know, and one of the things that I teach, I used to teach for many years was the Matrix one, the movie.
[00:25:26] Chris Dorris: Oh, okay. Neil. Yeah. Love
[00:25:29] Iyanla Vanzant: that. Use that. Yeah. And remember, Chris, that everything that he experienced was going on in his mind.
[00:25:37] Iyanla Vanzant: Remember he was strapped to the chair free on Oh yeah. Right? That’s right. And here was the thing, this was the whole movie for me. I kept saying, well, wait a minute. He’d done Beat Smith one time. Why does the Smith keep coming back and don’t Smith is Smith retarded? Don’t he know that Neil’s gonna whip his mind?
[00:25:54] Iyanla Vanzant: What’s wrong with him? But then when I looked deeper, when I became observant, I realized that [00:26:00] he would beat one Smith 10 would come back, he’d beat the 10 30, would come back, he’d beat the 30 50, would come back because he didn’t believe in his own power. He had to keep proving it to himself.
[00:26:09] Iyanla Vanzant: He had to keep proving it to himself that he could do it. And that’s what we do. We create drama and crisis and struggle because we don’t believe in our own power, our own mental toughness. We weren’t taught to trust it. We weren’t taught that it’s valuable. We weren’t taught to rely on it.
[00:26:26] Iyanla Vanzant: So we have to keep proving it to ourselves over and over. And the way we do that is to create drama and crisis problems, issues, and whatever. And then we resolve ’em, and then we look for the next one. As opposed to saying, yeah baby, I did that. I did that thing. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:26:44] Chris Dorris: That’s great. So, so I presume the work, well, that’s why Innervisions Worldwide exists. yeah. Is to do the work. Can you tell us about Innervisions Worldwide please?
[00:26:55] Iyanla Vanzant: Innervisions Worldwide Spirit, Institute for Spiritual Development [00:27:00] really teaches people how to develop themselves from the inside out.
[00:27:03] Iyanla Vanzant: Our motto, our vision, our purpose is remember the truth of who you are. So it’s, it was a two year in-person program, but thanks to Miss Corona, it’s now a one person on one year online program. Where we teach people to remember the truth of who you are. You’re not what you’ve been through. You’re not your father, you’re not your issue.
[00:27:23] Iyanla Vanzant: You’re not your story. Who are you? And how do you stand in that and honor that and value that and live that in a way that not only gives you mental toughness and emotional maturity, but it also gives you joy in your heart. It don’t matter to me, black, white, straight, gay, old, young. Are you happy with who you are?
[00:27:46] Iyanla Vanzant: And how you be. Within yourself. So at Innervisions, the Institute for Spirit, personal Development. The personal development program, that’s what we do. A series of reading and teaching and [00:28:00] exercises and practices and processes. The work. That reminds you of the truth of who you are. So a lot of it, Chris is unlearning.
[00:28:09] Iyanla Vanzant: Unlearning the matrix and all of the things that we’ve been taught and told and experienced and demonstrated.
[00:28:20] Chris Dorris: That reminds me of the metaphor of the statue, David. Yeah, right. Tripping away. What’s not you. Yes. It also remen reminds me of the, like really the, one of the taglines I studied at a place in India called the Oneness University.
[00:28:34] Chris Dorris: Oh yeah. Are you
[00:28:35] Iyanla Vanzant: familiar with it? Yes, I am. No kidding. No. Yes, I, no, I’m not kidding.
[00:28:43] Chris Dorris: So I had the great privilege of actually sitting with the founder Sri bag. Yes. Unbelievable privilege. Yes. Life altering experience. Yes. And he describes when I asked him, you know, why did you even start this place? And he and his answer was to help [00:29:00] humanity free themselves from the conditioning of our past so that we can experience reality as it is.
[00:29:05] Iyanla Vanzant: Yes. beautiful. Yeah, that, that whole notion of oneness, you know, the Bodhi is the whole notion of the awaken heart, the en enliven heart. But what that requires very often, Chris, as you know, cuz you’ve been to the Oneness University, is the vulnerability to your own frailty. And so many of us, we are afraid, a, to be vulnerable and B, to embrace our frailties.
[00:29:39] Iyanla Vanzant: You know, what is it that will take you to your knees weeping like a baby? But if without that you don’t have the capacity for compassion for others, gotta be able to have that. Now we can be sympathetic because when you got sympathy, you can go help somebody. Let me do that for you. Let me give you this, let me get you this, which gives us value and meaning because it’s a doing.
[00:29:59] Iyanla Vanzant: [00:30:00] Whereas vulnerability and fragility is a being and we are, we can be that moment by moment, and live from that place with a level of mental toughness and emotional security that not only grows us, but it serves others.
[00:30:22] Iyanla Vanzant: He’s writing away over there. You got Well, I,
[00:30:26] Chris Dorris: yes, IM, I don’t capture, so I was gonna wanted to do some follow up, but you know how you reminded, I interviewed a guy named Gary Ridge recently for the podcast. He is the c e o of the WD 40 company.
[00:30:38] Iyanla Vanzant: Oh yeah. The oil company. the
[00:30:40] Chris Dorris: can with the spray.
[00:30:41] Chris Dorris: Make everything stop squeaking. Do you have any WD 40 in your house?
[00:30:45] Iyanla Vanzant: I do. I have. Everybody does.
[00:30:49] Chris Dorris: Everybody does. This guy is amazing. I love this guy, Gary Ridge, right? I asked him, what’s one of the most important elements of leadership? And he said, straight away empathy. And I said, [00:31:00] okay, what does empathy mean?
[00:31:01] Chris Dorris: And he, and this is how he answered, this is cool. He said, we’re out on a boat. You and me out on the ocean. Rough seas. You’re puking over the ledge, right over the rail. I come over and I put my arm around you and I say, I’m so sorry that you’re feeling sick. That’s sympathy. Yes. And I start puking with you.
[00:31:17] Chris Dorris: That’s empathy. That’s empathy. Yeah. Thought that was pretty good.
[00:31:21] Iyanla Vanzant: Yeah, that is absolutely good. Yeah. I’ve got WD 40 for my Portugal.
[00:31:26] Chris Dorris: Can you hear this? My
[00:31:29] Iyanla Vanzant: chair needs it. Yeah, I hear it. You hear?
[00:31:34] Chris Dorris: I’ll give you some WD 40. This stuff’s amazing. So, what are your next five years look like? Ima.
[00:31:42] Iyanla Vanzant: Oh, I don’t know.
[00:31:42] Iyanla Vanzant: I’m 70. I can’t look that far ahead. Can’t even the way I put my glasses. what do my next five years look like? for me the first thing is spending more time in stillness and in silence so that when I come out, I can be [00:32:00] of greater service. That’s beautiful. No, I’m not as spritely as I used to be, so I don’t have no energy.
[00:32:06] Iyanla Vanzant: I’m sure you hear this
[00:32:06] Chris Dorris: every day, but you do not look 70.
[00:32:09] Iyanla Vanzant: I know. I good on you. That’s cause I have to affirm peace and freedom every day.
[00:32:21] Iyanla Vanzant: Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, I don’t wanna waste any more time. So I like to go into the source. And get clear about what I’m supposed to do, how I’m supposed to do it, when I’m supposed to do it, where I’m supposed to do it, and then let source bring me who I’m supposed to do it with. You know, I mean they’re like 16 people between me and the world, between the managers and the assistants and the, but you sent me an email because you got to me through someone we both know and love.
[00:32:57] Iyanla Vanzant: And I responded to the email because [00:33:00] you got through the gate. Once you got through the gate, I knew you were supposed to be here cuz there’s many who don’t know how to get through the gate. So, You know, this hour, this time that we spend together, for whatever reason, somebody in your tribe, Needs to see us on this day when a court convicted three white men of a racial crime and somebody in your tribe is upset, concerned, disturbed by that, they need to see us here together because everything happens the way it needs to happen.
[00:33:31] Iyanla Vanzant: Somebody in your tribe needs to hear my voice today. Somebody in your tribe, you know? And so when I did my prayer meditation this morning, I didn’t get any specific directions, but I already knew you had come through the gate. That’s how I wanna live. I don’t wanna plan. I don’t. I did that in my thirties and forties.
[00:33:51] Iyanla Vanzant: That’s how I ended up marrying the same man twice.
[00:33:54] Chris Dorris: my
[00:33:54] Iyanla Vanzant: plan. Okay. As opposed to it did not turn out well for me.[00:34:00]
[00:34:01] Iyanla Vanzant: Married and divorced, the same man twice. So I figure okay. My plan is really not based on anything that’s helpful. It is very unhelpful. So let me work with another plan. So really, I mean, I’m a teacher, that’s my purpose. So, and for me, teaching is not putting information in, it’s drawing information out.
[00:34:20] Iyanla Vanzant: Oh, so supporting people in the practices, the processes, the information they need to draw it out. So I know I’ll be teaching every day. I get a new book I wanna write, you know, maybe I’ll write ’em, maybe I won’t. every day I spend at least two hours quilting cuz I love to quilt. Oh wow. Cool. I’m quilting.
[00:34:39] Iyanla Vanzant: And on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, I spent at least two hours watching Law and Order, because I just love it and I love Jack McCoy, although the ones they’re running now has the other da, I don’t particularly like him. But anyway,
[00:34:53] Chris Dorris: that’s so great.
[00:34:55] Iyanla Vanzant: That’s so great. So for the next five years, that’s what I’m gonna be still [00:35:00] listen, get my instructions, quilt and watch Law and order.
[00:35:03] Chris Dorris: Amen to that. So when you say be still, I want just open it up for a tiny second about how, like, what’s that look like? So in case somebody is listening and go, well that sounds very appealing and liberating. So like, how do I do
[00:35:20] Iyanla Vanzant: it? Yeah, they wanna do it. They don’t wanna be it. Okay. Yeah. Well for me, you know, stillness is a prelude to silence.
[00:35:30] Iyanla Vanzant: And silence is where is a presence. It’s a. A way of being that I go to get instruction, clarity. But stillness is really a practice. Silence is a way of being, but stillness is a practice. And for me, that practice is based on breath, because breath is what drops me out of the mind into the heart. Drops me into a way of being so deep breathing a [00:36:00] variety of different exercises.
[00:36:02] Iyanla Vanzant: I mean, now it just happens. When I say get still, be still. I’ve trained my mind. You know, a mine is like a puppy. I learned this many years ago and you know, I remember when I got peace and freedom. When freedom I got first. They’re both girls, but, No, it wasn’t peace and freedom.
[00:36:20] Iyanla Vanzant: It was my other dog. My friend had a dog named Wisdom. Wisdom. Yeah. My friends name their dogs with enlightened names. You know, it ain’t Bubba and Harvey is Well, use your peace and freedom. Well, you know, I wanna call what I want. I have to call it every day. But anyway, wisdom. Was a and so we were at her house one day and Wisdom, I don’t think wisdom was a year old.
[00:36:46] Iyanla Vanzant: My son was sitting on the floor. I was sitting on the sofa, a couple of us sitting around and wisdom went over to my son and began to hump on his leg. Thanks
[00:36:56] Chris Dorris: for the visual
[00:36:56] Iyanla Vanzant: on that.[00:37:00]
[00:37:01] Iyanla Vanzant: Oh my God. So. Did not see that comment. It was horrified. Didn’t see that comment. My was horrified. Wisdom just ran over to my son and began to hump on his leg. And so she, wisdom stop. And so he was stopped and he ran, went over, and he had a little poy. It was like a, I don’t know, a snake or a dinosaurs. So wisdom jumped on the thing, and then started to hump on the thing.
[00:37:25] Iyanla Vanzant: And then we were all cracking up laughing. They said, well, listen, you know, you gotta meet your needs. And so when he finished with the dinosaur humping on the dinosaur, He took the dinosaur in his mouth and took it over to my son like this. Like, listen. Get it. It’s good.
[00:37:42] Chris Dorris: I highly recommend it.
[00:37:44] Chris Dorris: Get you
[00:37:45] Iyanla Vanzant: some.
[00:37:48] Iyanla Vanzant: Oh, I use that to equate. Thoughts are like humping puppies. Oh my god. Thought’ll come up [00:38:00] and it’ll just hump on you.
[00:38:05] Iyanla Vanzant: Don’t, they’ll all over everything. You know, if you don’t train your puppy of your fear puppy, it’ll start humping on your confidence thoughts. And if you don’t train your anger puppy, it’ll start humping on your love. Th you got to train your puppies. Otherwise, they’ll be humping all over the place. And stillness for me is the way I keep my puppies trained.
[00:38:31] Iyanla Vanzant: You know, once you train the puppy, It’s trained. It won’t poop on the rug, it won’t poop in the hall. It won’t hump on your guests, you know, so stillness for me is how you train your puppies and puppies being your thoughts. That’ll just wander all over the place and do any manner of crazy min Yeah.
[00:38:51] Iyanla Vanzant: if they’re not still. So for me, breath takes me into stillness and I just learn to sit in stillness and see what rises to the surface. [00:39:00] Beautiful.
[00:39:07] Chris Dorris: So, a little shout out to, one of the people that introduced us, Alan D. Thompson, who, you know who right. Did the research. yes. And you know, the, a few weeks ago there was an event, Yes, and you’re, the recording of you doing your interview with Alan was played at the very beginning and it was profound.
[00:39:30] Chris Dorris: Yeah. You know, it was a profound day and that kicked it off, and that was easily one of the greatest, most, powerful moments of the day. Now, Alan, so the book that I’m referencing here in case people are not looking at the video of this, is called The Ultimate Coach, researched by Alan D. Thompson, authored by Amy Hardison about the Ultimate Coach.
[00:39:51] Chris Dorris: Who is that guy right there? Steve Hardison.
[00:39:53] Iyanla Vanzant: You know the other guy? Yeah, that’s Steve. Steve can. Yeah. Steve Chandler. Yeah. Was
[00:39:59] Chris Dorris: he at U [00:40:00] SM when you got your
[00:40:00] Iyanla Vanzant: master’s there? No, I think he came after us. Okay. Steve Hardison and I were together. I think Adam, Steve Chandler came after us. Okay.
[00:40:09] Iyanla Vanzant: Well,
[00:40:09] Chris Dorris: I’ve had the great privilege of, co-creating the opportunity to work with both of these champions. And you have also, worked with Steve Hardison as well, and, so, so the question for you around that is how did you. First Discover Hardison, Steve Hardison. And, and what made you even wanna work with
[00:40:26] Iyanla Vanzant: him?
[00:40:28] Iyanla Vanzant: Well, we did our master’s degree together at the University of Santa Monica. We were classmates. I didn’t
[00:40:34] Chris Dorris: know that. Or if I did know that, I forgot
[00:40:36] Iyanla Vanzant: that we went, I think we entered in 97 and graduated in 99. Oh really? And we worked together, you know, as classmates. And he told me a story one time we were working together and he, was talking about an experience that he was having.
[00:40:54] Iyanla Vanzant: And, you know, I’m from Brooklyn, so I just went right in. I said, well, that’s true. That’s this, you know, I [00:41:00] can see the truth of that. He was like, shocked. Because this is a big, beautiful man. What is Steve? 6 4 2 4. Yep. You know, he’s, he could be intimidating, you know, and so, yeah, I know. And from that and the questions he asked.
[00:41:17] Iyanla Vanzant: And so we went to school together. We fell in love with each other and you know, Steve is from Utah or some wild place. He lives in Mesa, and I helped him get black. I was like, what are you talking about? About black people? I can’t remember. I think we were talking about something and I said, and Tavis Smiley, who at the time was a really premier journalist and an important figure in the African American community, and Steve didn’t know who he was, and I said, I, you don’t know who Tavis Smiley is.
[00:41:48] Iyanla Vanzant: But then I realized, you know that as a white male living in Mesa, Arizona, he don’t have to know what’s going on in the black community. So, but that opened up a door for him, and he realized that there was [00:42:00] some places where he wasn’t clear. So, we did that and then, I was growing in a visions, institute, and I just needed some support at, and also at the time, I was in the middle of divorcing the man that I had married twice, and my daughter was dying of colon cancer.
[00:42:20] Iyanla Vanzant: And you know, one of the things about mental toughness is knowing when you need help, and I needed help. I was juggling and navigating and losing. And so when I went into prayer on meditation, I was told, you know, get a coach. And I said, okay, could you make a recommendation? And they said you went to school with him.
[00:42:41] Iyanla Vanzant: So it was Steve. So I hired him as my coach. I worked with him for a year. He worked me through that divorce. He worked me through my daughter’s transition. He worked me through, you know, getting my feet and staying grounded and then we just became friends and then we became brothers and sisters, so, oh, sweet.
[00:42:59] Iyanla Vanzant: Yeah. [00:43:00]
[00:43:02] Chris Dorris: So you weren’t born with the name No. No. Can you tell us about your name, how it came about?
[00:43:10] Iyanla Vanzant: I was born Rhonda Eva Harris, son, daughter of Ho Lester Harris, and Sahara, Elizabeth Jefferson. and my mother was an alcoholic who died of leukemia when I was two and a half. And my father was, a former, army.
[00:43:33] Iyanla Vanzant: He was in the army, dishonorably discharged. And so he became a number runner and a street hustler, and a gambler and a womanizer. And so I was raised by my patriarchal grandmother who was a Cherokee native to Lakey is the appropriate name, but Americans say Cherokee. So she was a Cherokee native. And Who had been married to a [00:44:00] mixed race man.
[00:44:01] Iyanla Vanzant: my grandfather, Lester Harris, who was drowned, so she was a widow at the age of 15, came to New York and became a domestic worker. left my father in the south. He came to New York when he was seven, and she worked as a domestic from the time she was 15 until she was 76. Wow. Working as a domestic.
[00:44:27] Iyanla Vanzant: And I was born into that level of wonderfulness,
[00:44:33] Iyanla Vanzant: you know, a Native American passing for black because it was easier for her to be black than it was for her to be a Native American. Wow. And a black man with a dishonorable discharge in the 1940s and fifties. So he found making a way of. Living only way he could. And I was a motherless child. Now the [00:45:00] unfortunate thing is nobody bothered to tell me that my mother was dead.
[00:45:04] Iyanla Vanzant: I didn’t know. Oh, wow. So I was raised believing that one woman was my mother, who wasn’t my mother. Wow. She wasn’t my mother. Wow. She was my father’s wife because my mother was the other woman. My mother was the outside relationship. My father was a married man, so after my mother died and my grandmother abused me, we went to live with my father and my stepmother, and it was a lot of suffering.
[00:45:35] Iyanla Vanzant: It was a lot of dishonesty. My whole life was a lie. I grew up not knowing who my mother was. I grew up denying my patriarchal lineage as a Cherokee. I grew up watching my father engage in all manner of womanizing behavior. I grew up in violence and despair and poverty and racism [00:46:00] and sexism, and. Pain.
[00:46:04] Iyanla Vanzant: So when I was 21 years old and my life totally fell apart, I had three children by three different men, and I was living in a marriage where there was domestic violence, and I made the second attempt to take my life. I spent six weeks in a mental institution and I was ready to just give up until I had a very wonderful visitation, I don’t know what else to call it, from what I now know to be the divine mother.
[00:46:38] Iyanla Vanzant: And she said to me, do you wanna die? Or do you wanna stop hurting? That was a very profound question from a divine being. Don’t you think?
[00:46:49] Chris Dorris: Well, yeah. where were you in that moment?
[00:46:52] Iyanla Vanzant: I was laying on my kitchen floor dying because I had taken an overdose of drugs. Wow. [00:47:00] And I had this vision. And that’s what she said to me.
[00:47:06] Iyanla Vanzant: Do you am I had a six week old child. I was really in the throes of postpartum depression, which they didn’t talk about 47 years ago. and I saw this woman in the kitchen with me and she said, do you wanna die or do you wanna stop hurting? And I said, I wanna stop hurting. And she said, okay, that means you gotta be willing to change everything about you.
[00:47:28] Iyanla Vanzant: I said, okay. So they found me and they pumped my stomach. And I spent six weeks in the mental institution praying and journaling and getting clear. And in that process I was led to a teacher who took me on an incredible spiritual journey. And in the midst of that journey, they said, you know, Rhonda has.
[00:47:49] Iyanla Vanzant: Endured enough suffering, it’s time for you to be elevated, and they elevated me. And part of that role, that initiation was changing [00:48:00] my name. Because your name is your nature, and each time they call your name, they are reminding your soul of its purpose. So when they call Chris, every time they say that, whether it’s Chris or Christopher or Christine or anything with that Christ Energy in the beginning, we know that you’re here to teach and to lead and to expand and to live really in service to others.
[00:48:31] Iyanla Vanzant: They don’t teach us that about our names. So my name was Rhonda, which means Grand Flower. Oh, and people pick flowers.
[00:48:44] Iyanla Vanzant: Okay. And I had been picked on all my life, so that’s when they elevated my name to Ila. And Ila means great mother. And the mother is the teacher. The mother is the nurturer, the mother is the support, because that [00:49:00] name Ila is in alignment with my purpose. Just to elevate the consciousness of humanity.
[00:49:06] Iyanla Vanzant: One mind. One life, one body, one spirit at a time. That’s why I’m here. So when people call me they are reminding my soul. That’s what I’m to do.
[00:49:20] Chris Dorris: That’s beautiful. I’m so glad I asked that question. Yeah, that’s an incredible story. That’s really fantastic. Yeah. So who, I let you only refer to them, they, who gave you the name?
[00:49:30] Chris Dorris: Who are they?
[00:49:32] Iyanla Vanzant: Well, they’re my elders in the YBA tradition. My mother was a DA home man born, first generation, born in this country, and her elders, therefore of the Yoruba people, and through, you know, just connection, divine connection. I met my elders in the Yoruba culture and went through a series of studies and initiations and trainings.
[00:49:56] Iyanla Vanzant: So the elders in the Yoruba tradition gave me [00:50:00] my name. Renamed me so that I would be in alignment with my purpose. Yeah.
[00:50:07] Chris Dorris: Right on. Amen. So just a couple more things. you’ve acknowledged the following publicly, so I’m cool saying it. Okay. You have identified yourself and Hardison. As a shoe whore.
[00:50:25] Iyanla Vanzant: Yes.
[00:50:26] Iyanla Vanzant: I confess, I shoe who I will sell my two front teeth for the right pair of shoes.
[00:50:36] Chris Dorris: Yes. You brought the crowd down, you brought the crowd down the house down when, we all heard you say that. Yeah.
[00:50:43] Iyanla Vanzant: He, you know, you know he is. Yeah, he travels all over the world. Whenever he sees a pair of shoes, either that he’s buying or he thinks I would like, he sends me a picture.
[00:50:52] Iyanla Vanzant: Oh, I’m sure. I love shoes. I like to travel in style, and so I love shoes. I have [00:51:00] probably bought and given away thousands and thousands of pairs of shoes. Right now. I probably got about 300 pair in my wisdom years. You know, I like to look at him. I don’t wear ’em much anymore, but I can sport a pair of shoes, crushing
[00:51:16] Chris Dorris: the kicks.
[00:51:17] Chris Dorris: So finally, Steve wanted me to relay a message to you,
[00:51:22] Iyanla Vanzant: okay?
[00:51:24] Chris Dorris: He wanted me to tell you how much he loves you, how much he’s learned from you, and how blessed and honored he is to even
[00:51:35] Iyanla Vanzant: know you. Wow. And I would say ditto. I love him. I love him. And his wife lets me love him. Yeah. Many women let you love Daniel.
[00:51:48] Iyanla Vanzant: He
[00:51:48] Chris Dorris: knows. Yeah. He flirts with the world. That’s what Amy says. You flirt with the world.
[00:51:52] Iyanla Vanzant: Yeah, but I love her too. I think that’s my, I had you not, I do not
[00:51:56] Chris Dorris: love Amy Hardison. It’s not possible. That’s not a possible [00:52:00] thing. Like this is not going up. Like when I let go of his pen,
[00:52:03] Iyanla Vanzant: it ain’t going up. Right, right, right.
[00:52:04] Iyanla Vanzant: You get how that works. Yeah. He is brilliant, beautiful soul. And yes, we are shoe whores and we do love each other publicly.
[00:52:13] Chris Dorris: Thank you Steve, for the inspiration, for the introduction and hey, by real quick, do you happen to know Immaculate Iza?
[00:52:22] Iyanla Vanzant: I know of her. I don’t know her personally, but I’ve read her books.
[00:52:26] Iyanla Vanzant: That book on the,left To Tell Yes.
[00:52:30] Chris Dorris: What, right. I was talking about that book the other day and then I thought of you, I didn’t know if you guys had ever connected, if you and Immaculate had ever met, but there’s something Yeah. I love, you know, we’ll, probably that would be powerful. A powerful meeting.
[00:52:44] Iyanla Vanzant: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:52:46] Chris Dorris: So I don’t know if you knew this, but You are my 100th episode guest.
[00:52:52] Iyanla Vanzant: So thank you. Thank you for having me. That is powerful. Yeah. Your 100th gift on 2, 2 2 2, 2, 2. [00:53:00] Do math. Do the math.
[00:53:04] Chris Dorris: All right, so this is the best place
[00:53:06] Iyanla Vanzant: for people to go. Best place for people to go. I really do com. What a great website.
[00:53:11] Iyanla Vanzant: Yeah. And I encourage people to look at. You know, something I’m doing right now is this spiritual study sanctuary where I walk people through an intimate investigation and exploration of certain spiritual texts that support them in doing the work. You know, we gotta do the work. You can be as intellectually proud as you want to be, but if you don’t do the work, go to prison.
[00:53:38] Iyanla Vanzant: Nothing’s gonna happen.
[00:53:41] Chris Dorris: Thank you so much for your transparency, for your vulnerability, for your wisdom, for your commitment, and for your humor. It amazing. I didn’t expect the last day I saw, I almost fainted it. It’s so red. I didn’t see that coming. We are definitely making a highlight outta that.
[00:53:59] Iyanla Vanzant: [00:54:00] Well, you know, you gotta laugh.
[00:54:01] Iyanla Vanzant: That keeps your heart open. So I’ll come back. I’ll be your 200th again. Okay.
[00:54:05] Chris Dorris: All right. Then I’m gonna record a hundred more real fast. Okay. I appreciate you
[00:54:10] Iyanla Vanzant: so much. Thank you. And good luck to the tribe. Good luck to tribe. Woo.
[00:54:18] Chris Dorris: Oh, okay. Let’s do that over for, this is dedicated to Allen d Thompson. Woo.
[00:54:26] Chris Dorris: Thanks for the intro, bro. So, wow. Right. Just love what she had to say about, you know, mental toughness. Her per, you know, her definition of it. And,and I love the story of the beast, right? Observing our ability to, observe. You know, I talk, I mentioned it in our conversation, you know, mental toughness.
[00:54:48] Chris Dorris: I define it as often define it as, The result of having done the hard work of strengthening the way that you use your mind so that you can respond to reality with mastery so that your response dash ability [00:55:00] is strong so that you don’t have to unnecessarily suffer. And that’s, that sounds like what she, you know, the same thing is when she was saying observe versus react.
[00:55:09] Chris Dorris: Mental toughness is, about observing, being able to observe reality,and then respond with choice. And it takes the work, the hard work. Or the work, but I gotta tell you,
[00:55:27] Chris Dorris: I was redder. I was redder than a damn pee on my hat. When she started telling that story, I thought I knew where she was going and I was wrong. You know, when she said, you know, the mind is like a puppy. And I smiled because I’m, I use that analogy all the time. Yeah, no. Not that one. she started humping.
[00:55:45] Chris Dorris: I can’t even believe that. That was best ever. Thank you for that Yama. Oh boy. Oh boy. Can’t wait to see the highlight clip of that. All right, you guys. I’m so happy that, uhk, Chose [00:56:00] to, to, to grace us with her wisdom and her transparency and her hilarity, her humor and her love. for this our 100th episode of Tough Talks.
[00:56:11] Chris Dorris: And I just wanna say thank you to the tribe for being in support of the podcast. Cause as you know, this is part of my legacy, right? I don’t have kids and I’m not going to at this point. So my legacy will not be a nuclear family. It will however, be it is. My content and this is a huge part of it. So thank you Ima, for contributing to it and thank you for supporting it.
[00:56:36] Chris Dorris: Appreciate you big time. That means everything in the world to me. So thanks. And until next time, as always, great miracles.
2 thoughts on “TOUGH TALKS: Two-gether on TWOsday – A Frank Convo with Iyanla Vanzant”
You knocked it out of the park with this episode. Well done. Enjoyed and learned what is important in life.
Awesome! Thanks so much, Larry!!!