Oneness & The Illusion of Separateness

The Lesson:

Remember Oneness. Remember that you are connected to everyone and everything. Remember that you are an integral element of a perfectly choreographed, spontaneously co-created system, and that you are safe.

The Practice:

When we feel lonely, isolated, panicked or worried about anything on any level it is useful to remind ourselves that in those moments we are entertaining the illusion of separateness. It is useful in those times to remember and recite mantras to ourselves that will remind us of the truth – the truth that we are connected and safe, as safe as we could ever possibly be.

Some useful Mantras:

“There is no separate self.”

“I am exactly where I need to be.”

“Nothing needs to be anything other than exactly what it is.”

“Everything is unfolding exactly as it should.”

“There is no void.”

“I am complete.”

“I am whole.”

“I am safe.”

“I am instantly and inextricably connected to all that exists.”

Repeat them over and over to yourself when you are feeling lonely and no longer wish to feel that way. If you are experiencing a phase in your life during which there is a persistent loneliness, you might choose to write these (or other useful reminder mantras) on notes and place them strategically in places that you know you’ll be looking – your mirrors, your dashboard, your screen saver, your mobile devices, etc. Do not rely on memory. Your deeper programming or predominant thought habit will dominate and result in you continuing to think the thoughts that result in the feelings of loneliness and despair.

There was a period of time in my life when I kept a reminder note of one of those mantras on my dashboard. It read, “Everything unfolds exactly as it should.” At the time, I was particularly distraught over a break up. I placed it there to remind myself every time I got into my car that I don’t need to worry, and that I can instead trust that what’s happening is rightly timed, and whether or not I can fully understand how, it’s what needs to be happening. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be happening. I kept it there for three months until it no longer was necessary. Without it, I surely would have taken longer to find peace with that event and to stop creating the unnecessary suffering that accompanies the illusion of separateness.

Many years ago I took a trip to Cabo that turned into an unexpected journey of rapid, deep personal transformation.

This post is one of sixteen excerpts of a piece of writing that I did, that was inspired by this magical experience.

Each “chapter” contains a lesson that can be categorized as a lesson in Mental Toughness, personal development, or spiritual growth.

These chapters have been organized into three segments: the Lesson theory, a Practice, and relevant Mantras to help you in your own journey.


  1. Mary Westheimer says:

    Thank you, Chris. So ironic: you need to feel connected when you feel most separate…. This brings to mind James Twyman’s observation: ” There is only one problem and one solution. The problem is we think we are alone. The solution is we’re not.”

  2. Ethan Frey says:

    Awesome share. I am just beginning to understand the illusion of self. Or, instead of thinking of the self as an illusion, perhaps it’s better to say the emptiness of self. Anyway, great share. Look forward to seeing more.

    • The Mental Toughness Coach says:

      Thanks, Brother. It’s been said by many great minds that all suffering arises from the illusion of the separate self. And great science illustrates that we are instantly and inextricable connected.

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